The story behind writing my first book
It wasn’t long after I started this blog that I began dreaming bigger.
Doing things that scare you has that effect. Once you conquer one fear and realise you’re capable of things that once frightened you into freeze mode you move onto the next thing until you find yourself standing at the bottom of the mountain you truly want to climb. For me that was writing a book. Last month that book got published.
Writing a book wasn’t the journey I expected it to be. It didn’t happen exactly as I had hoped or imagined but it happened and now I can tick a big task off my dream list. I feel compelled to share the story behind writing my book so I can shed some light on the reality for anyone else who shares the same dream and offer those of you who have read and enjoyed Enough some behind the scenes titbits.
Building a following first
We all need someone to believe in us, especially when we don’t believe in ourselves. It’s my personal but strong opinion that lacking self-belief when it comes to creating our art and then sharing it is what holds most would be creatives back and no matter how successful we become I don’t think this struggle ever goes away. Every creative I chat to, no matter how successful, shares the same stories of crippling self-doubt. For a lot of writers looking to get published for the first time this can manifest into the belief that you have to have a huge online following to be taken seriously by a publisher. You don’t.
Perhaps I had follower privilege but building a following before getting a book deal wasn’t something that concerned me because although I knew it could only help I had done enough research to know there was a lot more to it than likes and follows. My bigger concern was how network heavy the industry is. You’re far more likely to be favoured based on who you know as opposed to your online following and as an introverted work from home blogger living 200 miles outside of London in the middle of nowhere, this frustrated me far more than building a following. In fact I would say the opposite was true - I didn’t want a book deal purely because I had a following online.
A friend once told me there are three ways to get a book deal - you’re either an expert in your field, you’re a great writer or you have a following online. We all want to be great writers right?! My following online did of course help me get published because it got me noticed but I still had to prove I could write to the publisher’s satisfaction, not that I’m claiming I got published purely because I’m an excellent writer. I would never make such a claim. I think what happened for me was a cocktail of getting noticed online, having the right idea for the right publisher and a stroke of luck.
Getting an agent and a publisher
Publishers and agents are always looking for ideas. This is great news for writers because it means there’s an ongoing demand for our supply. Personally, I didn’t have an agent for Enough. I signed my book deal directly with a publisher as they reached out to me after seeing my YouTube videos. Going back to the having to have a following point this was interesting to me because at this stage I had a very small YouTube following compared to my blog and Instagram.
I’d been approached to write a book on minimalism early on in my blogging career but I struggled with my confidence when I attempted the requested book proposal and ended up saying no in the end. I wasn’t ready. A year later I decided I was ready but the agent who had previously approached me said there wasn’t room for another book on minimalism any more so I found myself emailing other agents. The best tip I had here was to read the acknowledgements of books similar to the one you’d like to write as the agent is almost always mentioned. Then a quick google should throw up an email address for you to get in touch. I hated pitching to agents. I wasn’t good at it and I built up loads of rejections. My online following did nothing for me here. I kept pitching anyway in the hope that I’d eventually find the right match for me and my book idea. Then one day I opened my inbox to an email titled book? A publisher had seen my work online and was interested in talking about a book idea with me. The universe had thrown me a bone. I told you - luck! We all need a stroke of luck.
Overcoming self doubt and imposter syndrome and feeling like my writing was the worst thing ever
Here’s what I’ve found when it comes to self-doubt, imposter syndrome and feeling like your writing is the worst thing ever - those feelings never go away. The trick is not to try and overcome them but to do the work alongside them. You have to accept these excruciating feelings and embrace them as part of the radical self-love required to write. Be careful not to shout down these voices with anger and or frustration although that’s totally understandable if you do. This may not be the case for you but for me it was a relief and important enlightenment when I realised those inner critical voices telling me I wasn’t good enough and never would be were actually in pain. The rational response therefore is love, empathy and support when it comes to dealing with them.
My book is non-fiction which meant a book proposal was necessary before I could get commissioned. Whereas I once felt crippled by the pressure of perfectionism I’d previously put on myself I made a shift which helped. I decided to ditch trying to be the next Sally Rooney and wrote with compassion instead. Compassion for myself and the reader. I stopped trying to impress anyone, focused, gave myself permission to write badly, set my ego firmly to one side and the results were astounding - the work got done. I didn’t have to back out this time. I really was ready.
The process of being commissioned
Writing a book proposal was the least enjoyable part of the process for me. It reminded me of the business plans we had to do in my degree at uni. It felt pointless, salesy and I knew enough about the writing process to know the final book would barely resemble the initial plan. Once my proposal was handed in it went to a commissioning meeting for discussion and this was when I was offered a contract which included an advance to be paid in three instalments, one on signing the contract, one on receipt of the first draft and one on publication day. There was some negotiating to be done here as I needed so much to get me through the year money wise. My advance was low but as a wise author friend told me this isn’t necessarily a bad thing because it means you start earning royalties sooner. You have to make back your advance in sales before you earn any royalties at all. I was contracted to 50-70k words and my first draft was due in 5 months on the 1st of June. Publication day was set as the following January. It was time to get to work.
How I built up the book, planned it and decided on the layout
In my original proposal and my first draft, I developed a five act storyline of my experience of embarking on a simpler more meaningful life. I mapped out each act using post its to break it down and ensure that within each act was another three act story structure to move the story on and keep the overall structure tight. If you’d like to geek out a bit more on the science of good storytelling then I can’t recommend this book by Will Storr enough. It really helped me build the structure of my book from the initial idea of wanting to share my story and what I’d learned along the way in the hope that it might add value to other people with similar feelings and desires.
The intention for my book was always to share my story. I was adamant I didn’t want to write another how to book on minimalism. I’d read enough of them to know I had nothing new to offer. What I did have was my own story, and this couldn’t be replicated. I’d gained so much from reading other people’s stories and struggles and I wanted to offer what I’d learned. Focusing on how to tell a good story really helped me when it came to the planning and the layout of the writing process. Building a huge project like a book from the ground up is a scary prospect in the beginning and then frequently throughout the process as you realise just how many words you’re dealing with. Breaking the book down into smaller chunks and having a clear simple intention to circle back to was very grounding for me. I could keep asking myself whether the book was in line with my intention and the answers would guide me forwards.
Sitting down and actually doing the work
Writing is a muscle and the more you do it the easier it gets. Being contracted to a deadline gave me accountability and I think this really helped motivate me, both because I didn’t want to let anyone down or pay back the money I’d already been paid. I also felt validated which is understandable but equally ridiculous because I always had the opportunity to validate myself and a publisher signing me most definitely didn’t make me any better as a writer.
Highly motivated with one goal to focus on, I wrote every day five days a week and I wrote even when I hated what I was writing. I wrote like my life depended on it. I knew drabble would come out but I had faith that somewhere in there would be something I could later carve into publish worthy work. At times I felt as if I was physically holding my own hand and willing myself on by telling myself this was all new for me and I just had to keep going no matter what, that I was doing a great job just by trying.
My life hitting crisis point meant I had no choice but to throw every expectation of what writing a book would look like and just do it. I didn’t have a vintage desk by a window to sit at, I didn’t even have a home of my own and whilst we were still in lockdown even the cute cafes were out of the question. My version of writing a book looked pretty ugly. I was in pyjamas for most of it with greasy hair, sitting on sofas of family who promised not to disturb me during my writing time. Some days I even drove up onto the hills and wrote in the back of my car. I learned the valuable lesson that it doesn’t matter how getting the work done looks, making the time, sitting down and saying no to distractions is the only way to make it happen. It doesn’t have to be a lot of time and the conditions don’t have to be perfect, it just has to be something each day. A lot of tiny steps will get you a long way before you know it.
How I structured my days with writing
I knew the only way my book would get written was if I prioritised it. I knew this because I’d been trying to write a book for years on top of all the other things I was trying to do and it hadn’t happened. I needed a new approach. I also knew this would mean making sacrifices but I was willing to make them and I don’t have any regrets about this. Last year I earned half of the usual money I make. This was partly due to personal problems obliterating my mental health but also because I took a step back from my usual day to day writing, photography and video making. I turned down paid work and dedicated myself to my book. I wanted to give all my creative energy to it and I had the privilege of being able to (just about) make this work for me short term.
A logical approach made me feel more in control so I created a daily word count for me to hit my minimum word count of 50,000 words. Breaking down the enormous task made it feel more achievable. This worked out at around 500 words a day in the beginning (taking into account two days off a week) but true to any plan things went wrong, days got missed and so it increased as time went on and by the end I was writing about 900 words a day. I dedicated two uninterrupted hours per day to my writing and this was usually enough. During that time I wasn’t available, my phone was off and the only media I was consuming was my beloved classical chillout Spotify playlist. Writing to classical music is a bizarre little ritual of mine I’ve held close for years for the simple reason that it works for me. On reflection it amazes me the such short bursts of work resulted in me writing a book in a few months, but what works works.
The times of day I wrote varied, though I tried to utilise my most productive time of day which after lots of experimentation I’ve figured out to be the afternoon for me. The key to getting the work done was letting go of everything else, just until the book was finished. My number one priority every single day was hitting my word count. Everything else, business or personal came after this and if there wasn’t time for anything else, that was okay. I loved the solitude of writing and the escape it offered me, especially as my life felt so turbulent at the time. I loved the simplicity of focusing on one thing instead of juggling lots of different content. I’m glad I gave myself that gift.
The editing process
The ambitious five act structure of mine shifted to a three part structure at the suggestion of the publisher when the first round of edits came back and the book was better for it. I was grateful someone was there to look at the overall book objectively when I had been so deep in it I couldn’t see straight anymore. There are just so many words I kept saying on repeat with my head in my heads. The best thing about writing a book (unless you’re self-publishing) is you’re not alone. When I write these blog posts I have to think of the idea, plan them, draft them, edit them and proof read them all myself. Sending my first draft off to the publisher was a huge relief. I remember finishing it in a seaside cafe, emailing it off then walking down to the water to take a minute to let what I’d just achieved sink in. I knew our time alone was over and I was sad because I’d enjoyed having the book all to myself but I was also ready to let it go.
Three different editors went through subsequent versions of the book with the original commissioning editor keeping a close eye on the overall editing process, shaping and moulding it each time. Track changes were sent to me and I either approved, disapproved or suggested an alternative. I loved the teamwork side of this part of the process. I never felt too emotionally attached to the book because I knew doing so would attach my self-worth to it and that would be a recipe for disaster. I took comfort in knowing that everyone at the publishing house wanted to make it the best it could be and I felt lucky to have found compassionate editors who never made me feel like I wasn’t good enough or like I was being told off. Compared to some of the editors I’ve come into contact with the publishing world has a lot to learn from Watkins Publishing. There were parts I was protective of but generally we were all on the same page. I added 10,000 words to the book during the editing process which meant it finished at around 70,000 words compared to the 50,000 I’d originally planned on.
Once the final edits were signed off, the book design was sent to me for approval. There was a lot of back and forth in terms of the front cover and I can’t thank Jack Watkins and his branding genius enough for his help here. Soon enough everyone was happy and the first proof copy landed on my doorstep. The work was done.
I hope this post has shed some light on the publication process, given you some ideas and hopefully comfort when it comes to the writing process and most of all scratched the itch of those fellow nosey types who just love a good bit of behind the scenes information.
Next stop… fiction!
If you have any questions about the book writing process or being published leave them in the comments below and I’ll try to help as best I can.
Enough is available to order online here and is also available in all good bookstores.
